
Photo by Fabrice Villard on Unsplash.
Erin Gallagher-Cohoon
This post has been cross-posted with The Covid Chroniclers.
“I feel like if you even just wrote something on fatigue – like the whole essay, just the word fatigue. We’re tired.” -2nd year PhD student
Last December, I FaceTimed one of my closest friends, a PhD candidate who I have not seen in person since we both started our programs at separate institutions, in separate countries. I had just learnt that one of my Dads had cancer. I was looking for support. He was the first person I told.
A month or so later I broached the topic again, hurt that he had not asked me how my family was doing or bothered to check in with me about the situation. My friend was instantly contrite and felt an immense amount of guilt. He admitted that he had forgotten about the diagnosis. It was during an intense and stressful period of his program, he explained. I couldn’t even be angry about it because I understood. If he had contacted me with equally devastating news while I was in the middle of reading for my qualifying exams, I wondered, would I have had the mental capacity to remember? On one end of our text messages was him, ashamed and apologetic, and on the other was me, crying at the thought that this was the type of people we were becoming.
“I don’t think this life is for me.” I wrote in the message box. “What are we doing to ourselves that we’re too busy and stressed out to look out for each other?”
I was reminded of this conversation recently by a different grad student who, talking about her disillusionment with academia, told me that she sometimes wondered “if the university system makes [people] more callous.”
I think what we both meant is that grad school can leave a person so isolated and busy that they struggle to care for themselves, let alone others. It can make it hard to build community, or to act in solidarity. It can leave one drained, constantly buzzing with stress, and so focused on our own ambitions that we are blind to the struggles of others. Continue reading